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Asperger's mix


All discussion relating to autism, including professional life, social, day to day life, whether yourself, or someone in your life.

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Post Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:23 am

Re: Asperger's mix

Aspies are usually good with words. It's getting NT's to understand what we really mean with our words that's the challenge, because we just use the words we think say what we really, really mean. We don't shade it or shadow it with nuance, intonation, meaningful facial expression or body language. And if we do, we do it differently, not neurotypical.

***

I don't know how usual this is for us aspies, but for me at least, I look away to really pay attention and focus. Likewise, I think all that nodding (so-called active listening) they do, looks ridiculous, and when I'm the one doing the talking, I find it distracting.


Apparently we are too long-winded. We don't like uncertainty, so we are reluctant to introduce it into a conversation.
In addition we're probably also all so used to being misunderstood that we over-explain.

I've been told my tendency to explain and be thorough is annoying and too long, while I don't think I add too much. It's not like I describe everything or add a lot of details that is irrelevant to it (to me at least). I absolutely hate talking to most Nts, and I make it as short as I possibly can when I have to. Save for fewer than I can count on one hand, they just aren't worth the effort.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:22 pm

Re: Asperger's mix

Some aspies wonder if there would be world peace if all humans were aspies.

No, there wouldn't.

But I doubt we'd have war like we do now. I don't think we'd be sufficiently organized to have armies, and maybe not even nations; speaking for myself, not because we're blind to differences, but because we're not natural society builders. I doubt we'd have enough sense of belonging and union for it, without NTs to act as a counterpart. The societies we have online work because we're the others where ever we live. Without that otherness, we'd be as peaceful with each other as NTs are. We have a dark side too.

There is more than enough disagreement between aspies to cause fighting and conflict.

We might be fewer in number though, if all humans were aspies, and since a lot of us naturally keep to ourselves, we'd see each other less and engage others less. That would help. But we are not more peaceful by nature.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Fri Feb 27, 2015 3:41 am

Re: Asperger's mix

About the Sally Anne test....

Apparently most adults with AS get it, while only 25% of the children do.

One reason might be that they weren't paying attention to the question because he or she was ruminating about their special interest or something they were anxious about.
Or because the test is dead boring. I've watched it on YouTube and I have trouble following what the therapist/shrink is saying because I take no interest in the "story" they present. Therefore the details of which doll is which and which of them have a box and which a basket are details I don't catch easily, it just seems like pointless very boring details, so I don't pay attention to them, much like filler stuff in fiction. And that's me in my 30's!

While I don't have trouble understanding that the doll that leaves thinks the marble is where she left it, I do have trouble paying sufficiently attention, and even more so when it doesn't interest me, and even more so when I find it directly boring, which I do the Sally Anne test.

If I had been tested with that one, I might have just realized that they were asking about the marble and answered as to where it was, not where the doll would think it was.

I don't know if that is down to Asperger's or if it's related to something on the ADD spectrum, but either way, it would be a problem for me in any test like that.

I wonder if aspie children would fare better on that test if it was adapted to their specific interests...
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

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Post Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:16 pm

Re: Asperger's mix

For me personally, the intense world theory of ASDs doesn't make sense. I've never had a problem with other sensory input than food (only a problem at meal times) and heat (not much of a problem most of the year in Norway), none of which take place most of the time.
Yet I have always retreated into my own world, and def more so when not upset by heat or having a food issue. If anything, I'm more present when dealing with that. Sometimes I would go to the outskirts of the daycare or school so I could think and daydream in peace. Not because I was bothered, I wasn't, but because I wanted to be in my own world, which I also was at times when walking around and daydreaming in the school yard.

I still retract into myself for the same reason: It's enjoyable, emotionally rewarding/satisfying.

I even need to, it's part of how I deal with things, but most of the thoughts and daydreams I have, have nothing to do with outside influence. I have even wondered if I might have maladaptive daydreaming. The majority of my daydreams have been connected to my obsessions.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Tue Sep 08, 2015 6:51 am

Re: Asperger's mix

I agree with a lot of what has been mentioned here already.

There is nothing interaction wise that ticks me off more than people not taking no for answer. When I say no I mean no, I do not mean please keep bothering me about this. Is it that hard to get? Leave me alone already! When someone tells you no, you stop bothering them. You should have learned this as a kid.
On shared second place is clingy people (I'm ignoring and avoiding you, take a hint!) and double standards.

Something NTs do that seem rude to me is make comments that are supposed to be positive, but to me seem invasive. One very good example is someone telling someone else they have lost weight and look good. I know they both apparently see it as a positive, but all I hear is: "I checked your body out, and I didn't like what I saw. Now I'm checking it out again and I like it (more). YOUR body has MY seal of approval now, thumbs up from... wait for it... ME!!"
Barf.


It's annoying when I say something to someone, and they take it a completely different way than what I mean. I might simply be literal, and they'll "read between the lines" and assume I'm being snarky or something. I've also had the opposite happen, that I'm either making a humorous reply or am implying something, and it'll be taken literally.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Sat Mar 12, 2016 5:30 pm

Re: Asperger's mix

I think having no desire for socializing is something that can be an ASD thing. Gillberg’s Asperger’s criteria states:
1.Severe impairment in reciprocal social interaction
(at least two of the following)
(a) inability to interact with peers
(b) lack of desire to interact with peers
(c) lack of appreciation of social cues
(d) socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior


I have always lacked the desire altogether. I lack the ability too, but that only feels like a problem when I want to interact with someone, and I have only felt it as a problem with 5 individuals in my life. 4 of them were in real life and two of them were people I became interested in because they had something to do with my obsession at the time.
I’ve just never taken any interest in other people other than parents and grandparents. It certainly wasn’t due to any trauma in my case, as my first 10 years were trauma free.

From I was about 2 and until I was 5 gong on 6 I played a lot with the girl next door. Then she moved, and I didn’t care at all. There was no sense of loss and it didn’t make me take interest in the other kids there.

Just before I turned 6 we moved, and the following year I played almost daily with a younger girl who was a remote relative of mine, and on a few occasions other kids in the neighborhood. In the daycares I went to I preferred going to places of the area where I could be alone and think and dream. Occasionally I played with 3 kids there (the relative I mentioned, a younger boy, and a very young girl of only 2 that I felt very protective of, she was also the closest one to being someone I liked, mostly because I thought of her as being little and cute). That doesn’t mean I always disliked playing with them, I just didn’t feel any emotions towards my playmates.

When I turned 7, I started school. 7 was the mandatory school age in Norway until reform 97. The younger girl who was a relative told me we could no longer play. I didn’t know why and I didn’t care, I just accepted it with an okay. (Only much later did it dawn on me that she might have been jealous that I started school, which was unbelievable to me as I didin’t want to start school at all.)
I took absolutely no interest in the other kids at school. I only played with other kids when they played games I liked, otherwise I preferred to go on my own and think and dream and look at cars. There were a few I disliked, but most of them I just felt indifferent about.

As I got older, I found school increasingly worse as it ate up more and more of my precious time. School was mostly boring and uninteresting, and in junior high some of the lessons were so boring I actually preferred to talk to classmates. I only played with them when I was younger and talked to them as I got older because I was forced to be in school in the first place. I forgot about them the moment I was no longer interacting with them. If given a choice altogether I would have been home playing (when a kid), reading, thinking and dreaming of my interests, and spending time with family and pets, and that was what I did in my sparetime.

To NTs apparently that is bad and means the kid is lonely and miserable. They’re wrong. I was never lonely, and I only felt miserable when forced to do things I didn’t like/that bored me. Luckily I was free to do much of what I wanted, so my childhood was happy. Had I had parents who forced me to socialize, I would have been miserable.
And no, I don’t have alexithymia, I know my feelings and I know what lonely is. I’ve felt lonely twice in my life: once when I was 12 (my father and I were on holiday in his hometown, I had little do being away from my things and I didn’t see much of him or my grandmother) and once when I was in my 20’s (my mother went away for a few weeks) and I only got to talk to her a few times on the phone. My loneliness only extends to missing people I care about, not the general ‘lack’ of people to be with.
Somewhat similarly, I never feel like getting friends or a boyfriend, but rarely an individual is someone I take an interest in and want to get to know, but those are exceptions and only about that specific individual. It never extends to others or leave me wanting more.

I have never bonded with people other than my immediate family IRL. I think it might be an ASD thing as I have seen others here say the same thing, for some that includes their family. I have always loved my family so I don’t relate to that specific part.
I wish people would understand that some of us are very different from the norm and stop treating it as a problem. It’s not a problem that someone who doesn’t desire a lot of people in their life don’t have it. On a very personal note, I am very fed up with people thinking they know me better than I do when we are so different we could almost be separate species. Having to defend being myself gets tiring. This is about people in the past who thought everyone was the same and needed the same and made themselves a PITA to me.

*

I have never had the desire to make friends either, which those who thought themselves experts on me thought I did :roll: Besides family, I only care about animals and my other interests. Gillberg was very correct when he made "lack of desire to interact with peers" one of his criteria, it sure holds true for some of us. It's something that's not turned on me at all, and I see no reason to conform on this one. To me, playmates, acquaintances and friends are people who keep me from doing what I actually want to do, which is my interests.

I had a playmate I played with from I was 2 to 5 years old. They lived next door and our mothers found it convenient to put their similarly aged daughters together. When I was still 5, she moved away. I didn't miss her at all, and I didn't look for other kids to play with. Then we moved and I met a girl who was a distant relative. We played until I started school, then she told me being younger than me, that we couldn't play anymore, and I just said okay and continued on my way. They were okay but they didn't mean anything to me, I didn't care about them, didn't bond with them and didn't miss them. I was indifferent.
I've never had the least desire to make friends in any school or any other place I have been since then. I just wanna go there and do what I came there to do, and then return to my life.

For most people interests is something that is secondary to friends and they'd rather bond with them over things they don't care about than pursue actual interests. I would never waste my time on someone else's interests, it's much better that we just go do our different things and do something we both enjoy instead if we are to hang out. To be honest, I prefer to do my interests alone. Other people just tend to get in the way.

For the most part, people bore me. At best, I'm okay with being around them when I have to be a place (places like school, work, congregation), but I would never choose to waste a second of my spare time on them (and yes, waste is how it feels). I would say that my interest in them stops at the gate but that would imply there was an interest to start with. I forgot about them the moment I was no longer interacting with them.
I never liked it at all when people just called on the phone or even come to my door to try to hang out. It's not for me. It just distracts me from what I care about and is annoying.
Even on forums, the only type of social contact that gives me anything, I prefer to keep it casual and on the forum, not behind the scenes. I wanna come and go as I wish and only post when and if I wish. A lot of the time I have nothing to say and no need to say anything. There is nothing wrong with that, and when I die I want to know that as much as I could I lived my life as I wanted to and not regret letting NTs push me into trying to act like them instead of being myself and spend my spare time on my life as I wish.

The reason they are confused is that despite the claim that we aspies lack theory of mind, the truth is that all people only understand those who are similar to themselves. Everyone else must be wrong, mistaken or in denial. :roll: The incredible thing is that even as a kid I understood well that they probably felt like that even though I didn't and that I was different, while they didn't understand that we were different in that area.

I feel very strongly about living such an innocent part of my life the way I want.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Sat Feb 11, 2017 8:25 am

Re: Asperger's mix

Ever since learning about my Asperger 8 + years ago, I keep thinking about things past and present and seeing and hearing things that make me think "and I'm the one they think is disordered? yeah right!" Lots of different things that are considered normal are things that should be disordered for a variety of reasons depending on the issue in question.
My head is killing me today so no stamina for details.

I also see plenty of things that makes me think that if that is normal I thank my lucky stars that I am not normal. Normal doesn't usually appeal to me, at best it tends to be boring and/or annoying.

Speaking for myself, I don't think that's a strange response when two types are pretty incompatible

I'm a misanthrope, and seriously unimpressed by people in general, society at large, and how the system works (if you can call it that).

That doesn't mean I hate every individual, just that I much rather be left alone and do something that actually interest me, which people do not. The less I have to deal with people in general, the better off I am
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Thu Apr 06, 2017 11:29 pm

Re: Asperger's mix

Rainman is most definitely not high functioning by today's criteria, but neither AS nor HFA were diagnoses when the movie was made.

Since severe was what autism meant in the 80's, Rainman is probably moderate by today's criteria and as high functioning as it got in the 80's. But that's not how he comes off to me personally, I personally see him as severe.

Whether AS and HFA is the same has been discussed here for years.

I don't consider AS and HFA to be exactly the same. AS is about having no speech delay and no delay in self help skills. To me it's a significant difference between hitting the early mile stones (and not needing any more parental care than most kids, be able to be out alone, go grocery shopping and be home alone for a while as a bigger kid etc), and someone who can't.

It was also supposed to be a difference that AS usually comes with higher verbal IQ and HFA with higher performance IQ.

There used to be a member here who said that the problem with any category you could come up with to differentiate between HFA and AS, any given criteria would be true for about half of both groups.

Three other people I have been in touch with thought there were differences between HFA and AS, including:
- in an autism center aspies wanting to talk about their problems while HFA wanting to play games and have fun
- HFA having poorer speech even as teens (the person saying this based it on an HFA friend he had, he was aspie)
- HFA having less need to participate in chats, being happy to keep their thoughts to themselves, apparently unlike aspies
- aspies having more need to be social than HFA
- aspies being really obsessive about their obsessions while HFA are interested but not obsessive in the same way and less likely to collect things in connection to their interest (if for instance the person likes trains, a HFA would like trains, while an aspie would love trains, think trains, speak of trains, collect trains and train related things ranging from actual models to duvet covers and books (this from two sisters with HFA and AS diagnoses respectively)

Regardless, none of these things will be true only for the members of one of the groups nor for all the members of said group. There might be some differences between HFA and AS but there are likely more similarities than differences.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:16 am

Re: Asperger's mix

Humor and being offended

There are forms of humor that I find to not be funny, but I have never been offended by humor. A lot of the humor I like is dark, and I have laughed out loud at many jokes I have found on Sickipedia. I have even tested myself and read all the jokes they had about topics like Asperger's/autism and the terror attack in Oslo 2011 to see if I still could laugh when I was sort of the target. A lot of those jokes made me laugh because I thought they were really funny. A few weren't funny to me, but they didn't offend me, they were just misses for me.

I'm not sensitive about jokes, but I do have some sensitivity to where I would retell said jokes.
There are times and places where it's okay, and there are others where it would be inappropriate.
For instance, I would be real careful about what kind of jokes I post on ASD sites, as there are a lot of sensitive people there and they are family friendly sites. On other sites, I'd think less of it because they're more easy going about such things, and with a very few people I would just tell the jokes freely (almost) without filter.

I think there should be room in public space for so called offensive humor. It's my opinion that people who can't take that kind of humor should stay away from things like South Park and let those of us who enjoy it, watch it without crying foul when they see something they don't like. I actually like that they poke fun at everyone. That is one of the things that make them great, they don't spare anyone. That is true equality to me.

There's a difference between having shows with that kid of humor though and say just randomly sign up to for instance an ASD site with the sole purpose of telling such jokes. Again, time and place.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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