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Born different


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Post Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:14 pm

Born different

Marco wrote:My mother didn't like me as soon as she was given me. I met her when I was 22 and she told me. She had another son so she obviously was maternal. She said that she would have taken any of the other babies home but not me. BTW I do not have any physical defects.


Encyclopedia wrote:Oh man! Your Mum sounds as bad as mine! Sorry that you had to experience that. I think you're fortunate that she is your estranged mother, and not one you were brought up by/lived with. I lived with mine - she did lots of horrible, and nasty things to me, and said plenty of unkind words as well. I also had a mean step dad who took part in parenting me sporadically - it was a broken home with plenty of domestic arguments, etc.
My biological father was estranged too. He didn't accept me as his son many years after I finally caught up with him, either. The only relief I get from that is having known him for such a short time, and being able to remove him from my life - go back to living a little bit as before. Although the pain of a parents rejection doesn't go away; I find that I have to fulfil that need in other ways - I'm an ambivalent attachment type. :/


Marco wrote:I wonder how many aspies get treated badly by their parents. It must be a bit of a shock to realise that you are not going to be a clone of them.
I got sectioned when I was 22 and I had fantastic psychiatric help. I left after 6 months with a new philosophy on life. Parental rejection does go away eventually and then you have a more objective view on life.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:58 pm

Re: Born different

I wanted to send you my love, I am so sorry to hear this had happened to you. You mum doesn't sound very nice. Who did look after you anyway? My mum jokes about things like that. She said she found me on the hospital floor lol, she's kidding. But things like that we all take seriosly.
I honestly wanted to give you lodes of hugs and say I'm thinking about you (((hugs))) xx
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Post Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:18 pm

Re: Born different

I know an aspie girl whose mother tried to whip the autism out of her. She stopped when she was 18. I wonder how common abuse from parents is with aspies.
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Post Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:08 pm

Re: Born different

Well, I was never subjected to any kind of abuse from my parents. They didn't always understand me, but they always tried their best, especially my mother.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...

"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
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Post Sat Mar 12, 2011 11:29 am

Re: Born different

Sometimes you are better off not telling your family anything, the NT response does not tie in with the Aspie response. We seem to be on different wavelengths, unless someone has experienced something similar to us, they will always be critical of our difficulties to a certain extent.

-Searcher
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Post Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:40 am

Re: Born different

Thanks for the support, I'd like to move on from my past.
I don't think it's right to post this, I'm going to post this though, for the very reason that I don't feel I should; I think I have a right to be upset with my folks "parenting methods". I'll keep it short and sweet, none the less:
Spoiler:
Mum has always worked on "teaching" me to be normal. When I was 4 or 5, for example, she threw a steel framed chair at me because I burped, and then laughed, while she was yelling at me about something I did wrong. Another time, she pulled my foot out from under me while I was accessing a cupboard above the bench. I had to get stitches put in my lip.
My step dad was no better. I was 4 years old when he broke my arm. Another time, he sent me down a dangerous hill on my skateboard for some "approval". I had concussion, a black eye, a broken wrist, and gravel rash. These are chronologically distanced by around 6 years of similar/worse incidents, and followed by much of the same.
To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover the prisoner was you.
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Post Tue Mar 15, 2011 4:44 pm

Re: Born different

[quote="Encyclopedia"]
Spoiler:
Mum has always worked on "teaching" me to be normal. When I was 4 or 5, for example, she threw a steel framed chair at me because I burped, and then laughed, while she was yelling at me about something I did wrong. Another time, she pulled my foot out from under me while I was accessing a cupboard above the bench. I had to get stitches put in my lip.
My step dad was no better. I was 4 years old when he broke my arm. Another time, he sent me down a dangerous hill on my skateboard for some "approval". I had concussion, a black eye, a broken wrist, and gravel rash. These are chronologically distanced by around 6 years of similar/worse incidents, and followed by much of the same.


Holy ****. That's just awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I couldn't imagine going through that at any age, no less as a 4 or 5 year old.
I hope you've been able to or are able to recover emotionally from such abuse.

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Post Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:58 pm

Re: Born different

I hope you did what I did which was to leave and never go back. I am still running away. That is why I am down in the Caribbean I suppose.
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Post Thu Mar 17, 2011 1:31 pm

Re: Born different

Thanks guys.
In answer to your concerns: I'm not sure whether I'll ever fully recover. Life long lack of love from parents is a pain that never goes truly goes away. The constant rejection, and injuries, from reaching out to a parent is personally confusing, while the little signs of love being there seemed to keep me from realising how awful the type of love was. I suppose you could call that abusive love, at best.
I've wanted to start my life elsewhere, and have limited contact, or no contact with them. At a time I was most vulnerable, while I felt trapped in living there, I attempted suicide. The utter lack of love, and support thereafter proved to me how uncaring they truly are. I gathered some valuables that I'd accumulated up to the point I claimed bankruptcy and sold it all off in order to move overseas. However, this wasn't happening quickly enough (for either myself, or my step dad) so I moved in to a caravan park up the road from where I live now. The money I had was sufficient to achieve this dream of leaving Australia, the policies with the US Consulate in obtaining a working Visa, were less achievable (and being costly); so I resigned myself to replacing my transportation (a bike), and now live in a two bedroom place a little under an hour travelling time from them. I'd prefer to live outside Australia, if I were to have no-contact. My issue is this: I don't want to sell everything again if I'm only going to stay somewhere for a short while. I want a more permanent living arrangement outside Australia.
To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover the prisoner was you.

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